Kingsman: The Secret Service

This movie is to the spy genre what Kick-Ass is to superheroes. Deconstruction, parody, and reconstruction mashed up together into an entertaining story.

It begins on a covert mission where four agents are interrogating a prisoner. A trainee agent realizes that the prisoner is rigged to blow and jumps on top of him, killing them both, but sparing the rest of them. We now learn that these men are all Kingsmen, and the trainee's sacrifice allowed the other trainee to move up. However, another agent Harry Hart, codename: Galahad (played by Colin Firth) feels guilty over the incident and offers condolences to his wife and son. The wife is too distraught to accept anything from them, so Harry simply gives the medal to the son, Gary Unwin. He tells them if they need anything to call the number on the medal and deliver a coded message "Oxfords not Brogues".

Flash forward 17 years, and we're treated to what appears to be a typical spy rescue. Kingsman agent Lancelot shoots his way into a mountain chalet to save a captured scientist (played by Mark Hamill). Then there's a knock on the door. Lancelot's about to check it out, when he's suddenly sliced in half. The killer is Gazelle, a seemingly Asian woman with sharp prosthetic feet. She covers Lancelot's body as well as the slain henchmen's bodies and then lets her boss in: Richmond Valentine, a multi-billionaire (played by Samuel L Jackson) with a lisp and an evil plan to save the world from global warming.

Harry meets with Chester King, codename: Arthur (played by Michael Caine), and discuss the necessity of filling Lancelot's vacancy as soon as possible and finding whoever was responsible.

Gary, nicknamed "Eggsy", is all grown up now. His mom has remarried to an abusive bar owner and had another kid. Eggsy may have a bit of a chip on his shoulder, but he's still got a heart, as displayed when he comforts his crying baby sister. He heads out to the bar to meet his friends, but gets harrassed by the local bullies while there. Eggsy and his friends leave, but not before swiping the lead jerk's car keys. The cops' attention is grabbed quickly and a car chase ensues...in which Eggsy is driving backwards for a good amount of it. When a fox jumps out in the road, Eggsy swerves to avoid it and crashes into another car. He then crashes into the police car to give his friends a chance to run away.

Eggsy gets arrested, but he still has that medal on his person. When he exercises his right to a phone call, he calls it and delivers the message. He gets released and finds Harry outside waiting for him. They go to the pub, and Eggsy's not completely sold on the recruitment speech, however we do learn some exposition about him through Harry's having kept track of him. He did very well in school until dropping out, completed basic military training until his mom started getting worried, and stopped training for the Olympics when his stepfather came into the picture. The bullies from earlier show up and pick a fight with Eggsy, but instead have to deal with Harry. He locks the bar doors, closes the window shutters, and a very satisfying fight ensues. He takes them all down with ease and then tranquilizes the bartender to not remember anything. Eggsy is sufficiently freaked out by this, but swears not to tell anyone about it and promptly leaves with his memory intact.

When he gets home, his mom is relieved he's alright but his stepfather is angry and ready to smack him around. Luckily, Harry placed a bug on Eggsy before he left and could hear everything. He projects his voice through the house's electronics and tells Eggsy to meet him at a tailor shop, the secret entrance for Kingsman headquarters.

Eggsy is now one of many Kingsman recruits vying for the vacancy left by Lancelot, and seemingly the only one from a lower class upbringing. Supervising their training is the agency's quartermaster and tech expert, codename: Merlin. The first test involves the barracks filling up with water. While the others search for an air supply, Eggsy makes an effort to break down the door and when that fails, break the one-way mirror in the bathroom. The only thing keeping the test from being considered passed is the fact that they didn't work as a team, seemingly resulting in the death of one of the trainees.

Meanwhile, Harry goes to interrogate Professor Arnold, who despite his kidnapping, seems to have returned to his daily life. Before Arnold can reveal anything, his face explodes, and Harry only barely escapes. This puts him out of action for a while as training continues. This incident also peaks Valentine's interest, seeing as Lancelot's name and agency could not be identified, but Harry mentioned his comrade during the attempted interrogation.

Each candidate is given a puppy that they have to care for. Eggsy chooses a pug (under the mistaken impression that it'll grow up into a big bulldog), and names it JB. We're then treated to a montage of the training. Running, firing, etc.

The next big test involves skydiving. The six remaining recruits all jump out of a plane. One of them, Roxy, is clearly agorophobic, but Eggsy helps her through it. It starts to become fun, until Merlin tasks them with what to do if one member of the team doesn't have a parachute. Eggsy immediately comes up with a plan: the trainees huddle together in pairs. This good idea is dashed when one of them panics and releases his chute. Now in an odd number, Eggsy comes up with another plan: form up in a circle and release your chutes one at a time. Nobody is able to hold onto their neighbor. With safe altitude waning, Charlie pulls his chute and again can't hold on. Only Roxy and Eggsy remain. With mere seconds left to go, Eggsy pulls her cord and her parachute comes out, allowing them to land safely. It's an amazing scene, since the skydiving aspect keeps your adrenaline up, and you see Eggsy putting everyone else's safety over his own. He doesn't seem to have much doubt that he has a chute until that last moment. The three who pulled earliest are dismissed, leaving only the two of them and Charlie. Eggsy gets into Merlin's face about making him the one without a parachute, feeling singled out. Merlin just pulls Eggsy's cord to reveal he had one the whole time.

Once Harry comes to, the Kingsmen are able to make the connection to Valentine, with a little help from Eggsy. He's a multimedia mogul passing out complementary smartphone sim cards, as well as several upper class and political figures going missing. Harry is sent to meet with Valentine under the guise of a donor. The meal consists of McDonald's takeout in a humorous reveal. The two discuss old spy movies, each expressing interest in the other man's role. Harry's wine was laced with a special gel so that Valentine could track his movements after he leaves.

The three remaining trainees are tasked with seducing a female target so they can take her to a safe point, but end up getting drugged themselves by an assailant. When Eggsy comes to, he's tied to the railroad tracks, the man demanding to know everything he can tell about the Kingsman organization. He refuses to tell him anything, even as the train is about to run him over. This turns out to be the real test, as the track is a trapdoor and the assailant is Harry in disguise. Roxy passed the same test off-screen, and now it's Charlie's turn, who spills everything to save his own skin. Arthur, taking the role of the assailant here, is extremely disappointed, and leaves him tied to the tracks.

With only Eggsy and Roxy remaining, their handlers are given 24 hours to spend with them. Harry takes the opprtunity to get Eggsy fitted for the standard issue suit, and shoes (oxfords not brogues). To their surprise, Valentine and Gazelle are in for a fitting as well. Harry recommends a top hat to go with his suit, which is bugged so they can listen in on his upcoming meeting. They also have a quiet moment in Harry's study, which is adorned with tabloid covers. Each one represents a day when Galahad completed a mission and saved lives, because as a secret organization, there is no public recognition for good deeds or accomplishments.

Arthur calls Eggsy into his study for a private meeting. He's seemingly pleased with his progress, and after a little chat, Arthur hands him a gun, and orders him to shoot JB. Eggsy can't do it. There's a tense stand-off when Arthur asks for the gun back, and then a shot is fired in another room. It seems Roxy passed her test, and Eggsy has failed. As Roxy is officially given the title of Lancelot, Eggsy storms out of the mansion, taking the Kingsman's taxi with him. He stops at home briefly to see his mom and drop off the dog, then drives out to the pub, ready to confront his stepdad once and for all. Before he can do so, the taxi steers itself back to Harry's home, where he expresses disappointment in Eggsy's failure. It's revealed that the gun was filled with blanks and the dog would have been fine. It feels like personal failure to Harry, who was doing all he could to help Eggsy in order to repay his father's sacrifice. He's suddenly called away for another mission.

A target has been determined from their surveillance of Valentine: a hate-fueled fundamentalist church in America, akin to the Westboro Baptists. Arthur sends Harry to check it out. The sermon is about as hateful as you'd expect but Valentine doesn't appear to be inside. He's using the church as testing grounds for his sim cards. Once triggered, anyone in range of them is placed in a state of anger goes on an unstoppable rampage. Just as Harry is about to leave, the test begins. A riot breaks out inside, the parishioners attacking themselves and Harry. He's just as affected as everyone else, but his training gives him the upper hand. This fight is amazing to watch as he kills everybody who gets close to him, made all that much better as "Freebird" plays in the background. It's probably the best scene in the movie. With the test over, and everyone dead, Harry straightens up and walks out of the church, to find Valentine waiting for them. This is usually the part where the villain tells the spy his plan and then has to stop him. Unfortunately for Harry, "This ain't that kind of movie, bruv." Valentine shoots him dead at point blank. Eggsy saw the whole thing through Harry's video glasses, and is devastated. (Valentine is equally taken aback by remorse over the feeling of killing someone, hence the whole point of his plan is to make people kill each other.)

Eggsy runs back to Kingsman HQ and finds Arthur there, who surprisingly offers him a seat at the table and a glass of brandy in toast to Galahad. Eggsy's keen eye for details notices the scar on Arthur's neck, just like the one on Professor Arnold, and puts together that Arthur is also in league with Valentine and that his glass was poisoned. Exactly how long  this was is uncertain, but Arthur now reveals Valentine's evil plan: Comparing the earth to the human body and humanity to a virus, global warming is the fever the body uses to fight the virus. The virus must be killed to save the body, so people need to die. The sim cards send people into a rage, they kill each other, and the smaller population would calm the fever. Eggsy's slight of hand saves him from what would have likely been his demise, as he switched glasses with Arthur before the toast.

He relays what he's learned to Merlin and Roxy, and they hatch a plan to infiltrate Valentine's stronghold and stop him. The lair is located inside a mountain where his wealthy and powerful allies have amassed to keep themselves safe from the effects of the cell cards. Tricked out in a new suit Harry had made specially for him before his death, Eggsy enters Valentine's lair pretending to be Arthur while Roxy floats up above the atmosphere to shoot down one of Valentine's satellites. Eggsy borrows a computer from one of the guests upon arrival so Merlin can access the network and cut Valentine off, but Eggsy's exposed by none other than Charlie. He has to make a run for it while Merlin holds his own inside their jet.

Meanwhile, Roxy does manage to shoot down the satellite, and stop the rage briefly. Valentine makes a quick phone call to a friend so he could borrow his satellite and the plan is set back in motion.

Eventually Eggsy's surrounded with no way out, and suggests to Merlin to remotely activate the explosive chips inside all of Valentine's minions and guests. He does so, and we see hundreds of thousands of heads explode set to Pomp and Circumstance, and it is awesome.

Eggsy comes across a princess Valentine abducted earlier in the movie, and she agrees to kiss him (and more) once he saves the world. He heads back to main room, and an enraged Valentine activates his sim cards while Eggsy fights with Gazelle. It's really a treat to watch her fight, since she's incredibly graceful. He finally manages to kill her with a poisoned knife in his shoe, and then throws one of her prosthetic feet at Valentine, stabbing him in the chest and forcing his hand off the controls, stopping the rage for good. He then heads back to the princess who makes good on her promise.

The movie ends with Eggsy returning to his stepdad's pub, and offering to take his mother away from the guy now that he can afford it. The man is ready to pick a fight, and Eggsy gets ready to create Harry's bar fight from earlier.

From beginning to end, Kingsman is a blast to watch. Eggsy is easy to relate to, a young man with a lot of potential yet hasn't really found his place int he world. I'm really surprised that Roxy wasn't portrayed as his love interest, since they did have some moments of chemistry. He definitely cared about her and it was his encouragement that helped her overcome her fear of heights when she needed to. On the upside, she's never portrayed as a damsel in distress, and it is pretty refreshing that she didn't hook up with him, that maybe two people of the opposite gender can become friends, work well together, and don't necessarily have to become a couple. And thanks to the inclusion of the swedish princess, the hero still gets the girl.

There's a lot of blood, violence, and cursing, so the movie is definitely not for everyone. However, it's a great film for anyone who enjoys extreme violence and spy thrillers. The Freebird and Pomp & Circumstance scenes are definitely worth a watch.